Praise the Lord!

PRAISE THE LORD!!! So, as you can tell, we got good news yesterday! The tumor is not growing! Of course, we always want to hear that its shrinking or better yet, gone, but I truly believe we will hear that some day and until then, the next best thing is that its not growing.

The day went ok. Her MRI was scheduled for 12:30, so we left for Indy that morning. She can't have anything to eat or drink the day of so that's always a little rough. Also, she's really starting to understand and anticipate what's ahead...a part of this I've always dreaded. We walked in the hospital and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Is this going to be scary, mommy? Please don't leave me, mommy." It took everything in me to keep from crying right there. Its just so hard to watch your child go through something like this. For the next hour of waiting she just wanted to be held...she was clearly scared. Because she no longer has the port, she has to be put out with the gas mask, which is hard. They let me hold her as they used the mask. I sang to her the entire time. She took it pretty well. But she woke up hard. They tried several pokes to get a good vein in her hands but couldn't find one so they had to use a vein in her foot. She was crying pretty hard from it hurting badly. She was very glad to get it out! And she's very, very proud of her Strawberry Shortcake band-aid and doesn't want to take it off!

Waiting for results is one of the hardest parts of the day...my mind always takes me down this horrible road as we sit in the cancer clinic just waiting for the dr. to walk down the hall with our results. She said the tumor looks exactly the same! No growth!


Thank you so much for your prayers. The Lord hears and is answering! He has truly blessed us with amazing prayer warriors and support. We love you all!

I promise to try and update sooner! And, yes, Christian still promises to update about his and Claudia's Disney trip. So until then...

MRI ahead...

Wow. Life has been so crazy. And busy. And, um interesting. And...I am blessed. I'm going to let all the pictures below tell the story of all we have been up to lately (sorry if you have dial-up, there's a TON of pic.'s), but before that, I'll give you a very quick update. (And I mean quick this time!)


I think Claudia falls more in love with her little sister every day...and so do we. Kendall LOVES being held and cuddled, and will let you know this when you set her down. She loves being talked to and does her best to try and talk back. It's really cute. We haven't quite got the sleeping thing down yet. In fact, we don't have it down at all. Kendall cries most of the night, which in turn, keeps Claudia up, which in turn means we're all up!!! Kendall has been settling down to sleep around 6 am...yes, in the morning. Claudia has been waking up around 3 am and wanting to play. Needless to say, I've never been this sleep deprived in my life! However, I know this too shall pass! Its just so cute to see Claudia with Kendall...she's so in love with her. She (Claudia) still needs to learn the whole "personal space" thing...poor Kendall!

On another note, we are asking for your prayer again. Claudia has her next MRI this next Tues. (Oct. 16). This will be her first standard MRI without her port...which means more needles and IV's...something we're very much not looking forward to. I'm so ready for this dumb thing to just shrivel up and BE GONE! I will keep you updated. Lord, please calm my heart. You know the anxiety these procedures bring. Please heal our baby girl...YOU ARE ABLE!

Now, here's what our family has been up to...

The end of August, Nate & Olivia (Christian's brother) had another little boy. Owen Smith arrived 2 weeks early (I think that's right)! This is Nate with their newest addition and Abraham (almost 3 yrs.)

Olivia and Owen.


On September 2nd, my parents celebrated their 40th Anniversary!

We all celebrated with dinner at The Boathouse and cake/icecream at the house. One of the presents we sisters went together and got them was tickets to the Bill Gaither and Homecoming Friends concert a few weeks ago! "Tis (still) Wonderful!" (For those of you who understand that!)

Their 40th brought everyone together for a family picture! (Is it obvious how "thrilled" the guys were?!)

At the end of Sept., we were off to Florida to visit Christian's mom and dad and to attend his cousin, Erin's wedding. We took the camper so the 15 hour trip with a baby and toddler wasn't TOO bad! (Sarcasm!) But, its always worth it and we had a fun time visiting family! We also got to meet Christian's cousin, Devin's new little guy, Peyton (one week older than Kendall)! It stinks we forgot our camera that day. Below is Christian with the girls at the beach, we only went one day...it was pretty windy, so it didn't last long!

Because of the wind, the sand was blowing pretty hard so Claudia proudly wore my sunglasses the whole time! She LOVES the beach!

The wedding was beautiful. The weather called for rain, but it passed over and the evening was perfect. Congratulations Erin and Bradley!

Our family at the wedding.

Claudia with the two little flower girls, Ava and Madeline (2nd cousins to Claudia!) They were adorable!

Dancing with daddy at the reception.

Aunt Tara (Christian's dad's sister...and mother of the bride!) and Kendall.

After arriving back from Florida, a week later, Christian's parents were up to Indiana for his dad's training and another visit! One night we all went to Ft. Wayne to visit Nate and Olivia...which was the first time they had seen Owen! Here's cousins and great buds, Abraham and Claudia.

The three brothers, Nate, Christian and Dale.

Here's Grandma reading to the grandkids.

Another day, we all went to the Ft. Wayne Zoo! It was the first time Claudia had been to the zoo! SHE LOVED IT! Here's the cousins at the kangaroo exhibit.

The gang watching the sea lions!

The McCray girls at the zoo! (Christian still can't believe he's got a family of all women! He constantly says how sorry he feels for what my dad went through! Just wait until they're teenagers Christian! You ain't seen nothin' yet!!!)

Christian and his mamma (in the rain forest!)

Claudia rode the carousel with A.Olivia, U.Nate and Abraham!

We all met up at Casa's Restaurant another night.

Grandma and Pa got Claudia and Abraham rollar skates and the whole protective gear to go along. So we got them all suited up and let them try! It was hilarious!

Ready to go!

She did, um, well, she needs A LOT more practice...or help!

The whole family together (minus Andrea)! We can't wait until Thanksgiving when we'll all be together again! :)

Oct. 2, Kim turned 36!!! So we had another party...

Even Janelle and her boyfriend, Doug, came down from Chicago! (Which by the way, please pray for Janelle, she just found out she has mono. Yuck.) And notice, Grandpa Kessler isn't wearing glasses anymore, his caterac surgery was very successful!

The other day, I came around the corner to find Claudia playing with Kendall...if you can't tell, she has one of her old port/tubes. She had it tucked up in Kendall's shirt and she's giving her "injections". She's still got the procedure down perfectly. Like I said in a previous post, its times like these, the reality of all she's been through hits home.

My cousin Steve and his wife Freya (who live in Bremen, about 1/2 hr. away), just had their second little boy last week, so my sisters, mom and I went to visit...all together in the the RV...just like the Beverly Hillbillies! The kids were so excited and couldn't wait. So, here we are on our way. The twins didn't know what to think!

This is where the kids spent most of the trip...up on the top bunk. (I know, I know, they should be in their carseats...)

And here is my mom and sister, Jenny, getting a look at Henry Samuel Varner for the first time (with Freya)!

They ordered pizza for us so here is Steve, Freya, their other son, Max, my Aunt Beverly, my mom and Lynae.

"Weeeeee're sisters!!!" My mom (on the right) and Aunt. My Aunt Beverly was in town (from Kansas) to help out the first week so it was a lot of fun to see her as well!

My cousin Steve playing "referee" for all the kids. (I hope our large clan didn't terrorize their night too much!)

And lastly, I'll leave you with some updated pictures of Kendall. She's getting so big, so fast. Last dr.'s appt., she weighed in at 14 lbs. putting her in the 95th percentile for her age! That's my girl!

She smiles soooo much now, especially when you talk to her! She'll even smile when she hears my voice! But do you think I could get a single picture of her smiling? Nope. She smiles real big and by the time the picture takes, she has this frown...I give up!

This picture doesn't do her rolls justice!!!!

2 1/2 months

If she's not smiling, this is the look she has on her face. Everyone always comments on how "serious" she looks! (And yeah, I know, she looks EXACTLY like her daddy!)

As I'm reflecting upon all that's gone on these past couple of months...and as I look at this beautiful family God has given me, I can't help but thank Him...I'm soooo blessed!

I'll keep you updated on Claudia's MRI results. Thank you so much for your prayers. We love you all!

She's here!!!!

She's finally here! Kendall Faith was born Thursday, July 19th around 5pm.

I've sat down at the computer to write this post about 20 times but between a crying baby, a big sister (aka as Claudia!!) trying to "help" a little too much, to...you name it...I haven't had time. Sooo...here's my attempt. For now, because of time (or lack of!), I'm going to just give details and tell as much as I can with pictures and continue it later when I have more time.

My actual due date was July 29th, but because Claudia was so big and caused quite a bit of "damage" my Dr. decided to induce me early. He set the date for the 18th mainly because this would be his first day back from vacation. Knowing when I was going in was nice but also kind of "nerve wracking" so we tried to have as much fun before and spend some special time with Claudia before the big "day" (or should I say changing-experience-for-a-lifetime!).

Typical (pre-baby!) summer day...swimming with the cousins. Of course, whenever we hear the icecream truck we all sprint to the front yard (even though we could easily buy a whole gallon of icecream for what they charge for a popsickle!)

"Nobody in the pool until ALL your icecream has been eaten!" (We've had too many chunks of chocolate and sticks mysteriously floating in the pool!)We swam almost every day...before the baby that is. (We'll stick to a picture of Christian and Claudia - I wouldn't want you to mistake me for a beached whale!!!)

The day before my induction, we got a group of people together and went to Tokens-N-Tickets for dinner and games.

Our last family picture as 3!

We then went over to my parents (who have a neighborhood full of kids) and Christian-the-pyro set off the rest of the fireworks we had left over from the 4th of July. But before the show, we just HAD to go frog hunting! My parents have a big pond across the street and the kids LOVE hunting for frogs. When the fireworks show was over, Grandma had icecream cones waiting for everyone inside. It was a fun night...and even despite the excitement and anticipation of meeting Kendall, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread on the ride home!

The day before, we got everything out and ready to go...I came around the corner and found Claudia trying out Kendall's carseat! She had it buckled and all! I laughed so hard!

I was scheduled to be at the hospital around 8pm the 18th. The plan was for them to give me a drug overnight, not necessarily to start labor, but to get my body "ready" to make induction easier the next morning around 7am. Here I am, all hooked up and signing all the paperwork. Christian and Claudia stayed with me until her bedtime and then went home so we could ALL get a good night's sleep...YEAH RIGHT...my labor started around 1am that night. It was bearable, but I was definitely ready for the Dr. (and epidural!) that next morning!

I really am happy here! I promise! Ok...long story short...Dr. came around 7:30 to start Pitocen, but because of various reasons (like having an intern nurse that didn't know what she was doing and the Dr. being in multiple c-sections), they didn't get it started until 9:30ish. They didn't get my epidural started until this time either - which was another ordeal in itself. The first epidural didn't work, so they tried it again about a half hour later. Ouch!! And even that one didn't work...my legs were so numb and heavy that they actually hurt and yet I could feel every thing from waist up! They tried all sorts of things but there were 7 births happening the same time as me and she was constantly in surgery (c-sections) so they never did get it right. So during the absolute hardest part of labor, I felt everything, but couldn't move because of my legs. It was pretty rough. By around 3:30pm, it was getting pretty unbearable and I wasn't dilating past 5 cm, the nurse said I would most likely be in labor for at least 3+ hours, Dr. wasn't available, anaesthesiologist wasn't available so I gave in and took this one drug that made me so loopy, I barely remember anything else. The worst part is, moments after they gave me this drug, the Dr. came in and said I was ready to push....30 minutes later we had Kendall Faith!!! The delivery couldn't have gone better! Praise the Lord! Unfortunately, like I said, I was in and out of it and don't remember much more of the day. People came to see me that night and I don't remember it. I'm so sad to have missed these first special moments...BUT the great delivery and healthy arrival of our little girl far outweighs it all! I don't remember a lot, but Kendall cried for at least her first 2 hours of life. We were all a little worried, but after she finally nursed, she calmed down and hasn't (barely!) cried since! She was a 7 lbs. 12.5 oz., 20.5 inches

This is the first time Claudia met Kendall. I could NOT wait to see her face and how she would react...we had waited and talked about this for so long and Claudia was SOOOOO excited. I don't remember a lot...just that Claudia was a little upset because she wouldn't quit crying!

Yep, she looks exactly like Christian...exactly. (When I get time, I'll scan one of his baby pictures for you to compare...they look so much alike, its kinda scary!)

She's getting ready to cry so she's really making a sour face but I love this picture because it shows her little legs and arms still all curled up. I read that if you take a picture soon enough after they're born, you can see how they were most likely curled up in the womb before they came out.

Claudia is soooo proud of her! She's ALWAYS touching, kissing, hugging, poking....just IN HER FACE! If allowed, she would probably hold her all day. This has actually been the most difficult part. And if told to leave her alone, she starts crying and says, "But she's my sister!" She's also quite possessive of her. She cries if everyone else gets to hold her. She definitely loves her little sister!

Her first bath. I'm not sure she necessarily liked it, but she didn't cry one bit.

One of the rare moments she has her eyes open. And yep, she's got the crazy hair! Everyone always asks if Claudia's was like this...believe it or not, her's was longer, thicker and even more crazy!!!!

Christian has done a really good job of giving Claudia some special attention throughout this transition time. (In fact, I've FINALLY talked him into doing a post...he's agreed to do the next one and tell about his and Claudia's trip to Disney World last week! So stay tuned...) Here they are at my parent's after catching a big bass! Claudia loves touching and holding the fish. However, the day wasn't without drama...

...Christian got a hook caught in his finger. All the woman begged him to go to the Dr. but, no, he decided to soak it in cold water (to numb it up) and my dad yanked it out. OUCH!!!

The two sisters! I love these girls!

A few more of Kendall...

There's so much more to tell, and so many more pictures. (Next time, I'll have to explain how we chose her name and the crazy story around that!) In fact, these are from last week and she's already changed so much (she gained over a pound in less than 2 weeks!). But for now, Kendall is "calling" me as Claudia begs me to hold her, so, I'll have to continue this later when I get some more time...until then, I'll leave you with one of my favorites...

A day full of God's blessings

People are always asking me for all the details…well, if you are not one of those people, you may just want to skim over this next post and go striaght to the bottom for her MRI results because God so richly blessed us yesterday, I can’t help but give you all the details of the day!

We decided, last minute, to stay home instead of driving down and staying in a hotel the night before. (We had to be there around 6:45am.) We did this mainly because Claudia’s (HORRIBLE) sleeping schedule has been for her to wake up around 4 am, all geared up and ready to conquer the world! We figured that we might as well try to get to bed extra early and be driving instead of laying in the hotel room when she woke up. And at this point, staying in hotels the night before an MRI always seems to make us all especially “anxious” as well as making it hard to relax because Claudia thinks we need to explore the place all night; so whenever possible, we avoid it. Christian also had his last two softball games of the season the night before (at 8 and 9 PM) and really wanted to play, so that just seemed to settle it. Needless to say, it didn’t make getting up at 4 in the morning any easier, but Claudia did really well! Just like an alarm clock, by 4 she was ready to go. I was worried that she would relentlessly beg for something to eat (she couldn’t have anything past midnight), but we gave her her own big bottle of apple juice, neat straw and all (she could have liquid until 5 am) and she loved it! She thought is was pretty "cool" (this is one of her newest words/terms!) and never asked once for something to eat! Well, actually she begged to go to McDonald’s every time we passed one, but for some reason (wink wink), they were all closed! Is it wrong to lie like that? Anyway, the trip went very well and we actually made it in record time.

We opted to have these procedures done at St.Vincent's Hospital instead of Clarion North Hospital mainly because this involved surgery, not just an MRI (and for many other, various reasons that if you really want to know, I’d be more than happy to share with you) and I am sooooo glad we did. Our cancer clinic was originally out of St. Vincent's Hospital but recently moved to Clarion in order to be a part/branch of Riley Children’s Hospital. We love our dr. and decided to transfer along with them, but we definitely miss St. Vincent’s and this visit reminded us why. We were worried about the communication of the results between the two hospitals because they are in separate networks but St. Vincent's handled it perfectly in so many ways. (I’ll explain more a little later.)

As I expressed in an earlier post, because her surgery was first and parents aren’t allowed in the operating room, I was so worried about how she would handle being put to sleep with the gas mask…and alone. Every time we talked with her this past week about removing her port, she increasingly expressed her worry that we would leave her. This method (gas mask) is how she will have to be put to sleep from now on and I really didn’t want it to be a traumatic experience. In pre-op, we discussed all this with the nurses and basically begged them to, at least, let one of us be with her until she was asleep. It didn’t look promising but they kept saying they would see what they could do. Well, God answered our prayers big and they ended up letting me “suit up” and actually be with her in the operating room. I sang to her as she fell asleep in my arms. She never shed a single tear. Of course, I was fighting back my own tears the entire time and completely lost it the minute I kissed her good-bye!

The surgery went really well. They were able to use the same incision they used to insert the port. And just a little side note or, “God thing”….I know it sounds weird, but we really wanted to have her port. She was sooooo proud of it and it took awhile to convince her that it was a good thing to take it out! Until recently, she would even cry every time we mentioned it! To help with this, and not thinking it would be a problem, we began talking with her about wandering what her port looked like and that it would be fun to play with. (I know, this may sound gross or weird to you, but until you have a sick child you probably can’t understand everything that goes into trying to help them feel comfortable with all the awful procedures they have to endure. Consequently, one of her favorite things to play is pretending that she is putting in a port. She has a few of the real thing (with the needles broken off), so she pretends to put it in, inject the solution with a real, but empty syringe, close the tube off, etc. It's quite amusing, but after having her blood drawn at least once a week for almost 2 years, she has the routine down almost perfect. Every single one of her dolls has a band-aid (which is one of her absolute favorite gifts to receive…especially the fun decorative ones!) on the port area from pretending this. As I sit here and explain all of this, I realize how sad and somewhat pathetic it all is. And yet, this is her life. She knows no other. She is one, very brave girl and I am so so proud of her.) Anyway, when we mentioned wanting the port to the nurses and surgeon, they acted as though it would be impossible…this would violate every infectious disease regulation in the book! Well, our surgeon was this very skilled, old, by-the-book kind of man that had a “hard” outer shell but a big soft heart. And as we were walking down to the OR, I overheard him tell his assistant, “We’re just going to throw it away anyway…and no one needs to know about it…” So in our post-op consult, he walked in with a big smile and her port in his hand! When you’re hanging on to the end of the stress rope for dear life, its amazing how the little things can mean so much! When we showed it to her later, I don’t think she completely understood what it was, but she will someday…and it will be another emotional reminder of the miracle that she is.

And one more little “God thing”…There is a big, beautiful player-grand-piano in the surgical waiting area that I had always seen but never heard play. If fact, I didn’t think it did play. But, the entire time we waited for her to come through surgery, it was playing beautifully arranged hymns. God so perfectly orchestrated this for such an incredibly stressful time. I felt His presence and comfort so strong. Even Christian (who wouldn’t normally “appreciate” this type of music) commented how peaceful it made him feel and how much it calmed his nerves.

We had to get a copy of the MRI on CD for our dr. to view before we were able to get the results and we were worried this may take awhile. The last time we needed this, there was a lot of confusion and it took several hours to get the copy in hand. Not this time. An MRI tech hand-delivered it to us in the waiting room before Claudia had even reached the recovery room! Amazing! Christian immediately ran it over to our dr. at the other hospital so they would have the results before we even arrived at Clarion for her post-op consult/results after recovery.

We have found that she wakes up best from the anesthesia the sooner we are able to be with her…sometimes we can even avoid tears. As a result, we asked that they come get us as soon as possible post-op. Often times, the nurses don’t want parents in the way and will wait to come get us until she is more awake. This time, they definitely got us ASAP! In fact, she hadn’t even been there 2 min.’s before I got back there! However, she woke up pretty hard this time. She was obviously in pain from her incision and was visibly “irritated” with her IV in her little arm, but all things considered, did so well. (In fact, she did so well, the nurse gave her TWO picks from the treasure chest on our way out!!!!) Furthermore, we obviously had a very good anesthesiologist because he got a good vein on his very first try…no bruises on every limb, like we are used to! Again, PRAISE GOD!

And the best part of the day…HER TUMOR IS NOT GROWING!!!! Our dr. said we had one of the best radiologists from St. Vincent’s to read her MRI. This MRI marks the two year mark for no growth of the tumor!

Thank you Lord for answering our many prayers! This day was clearly full of your Hands at work. May you receive ALL glory, honor and credit for these results and all the so-called “coincidences” of the day! Thank you for reminding me that you are in and even care about the little things. My heart overflows with joy, thanksgiving and love to you. May your name be praised! Amen.

So, she’ll continue to go back every 12 weeks for MRI’s. Her next one is scheduled for the end of September. If they continue to look good, she will eventually go for scans every four months. Because of the nature of this type of tumor, our dr. said she probably won’t begin to feel “comfortable” with the no growth results until it has been 20 yrs. (or so). I told her to just wait…its going to disappear! This is my prayer and I BELIEVE He is more than able!

Thank you so much for your faithful prayer on our behalf. God does hear each prayer and clearly chose to answer all (or at least most :) )of them yesterday! PRAISE HIM!

And as I promised, a few pic’s from yesterday. (Also, this post got a little long…and its 3 am, Claudia will be up in less than an hour… so check back in few days or so and I’ll update with LOTS of pictures on everything else going on in our lives!)

Waiting for surgery and showing us her port....one last time.

Still waiting. She doesn't like the hospital outfits they give her and this time in particular, she complained that they were "so scratchy" so we just left the top off and wrapped her up in her beloved blankie! Also, Aunt Kimmie & Cousin NaeNae gave her this little, talking piggie for the surgery and she loved it. Thanks Kim & Lynae!

Her pain today seems to be pretty minimal. She has only complained a few times but whenever we pick her up she says "be careful with me, my port's owie." She has also said to me about 20 times today, "Look mommy, my port's all gone!"

Thanks again to you all. You just don't know how much your faithful prayers mean to us...I hope this post may give you a little idea. We love and appreciate you so much.

Its that time again...

I just can’t believe it’s this time again...MRI time, that is. I’m so horrible about updating, and at this point, probably have no more readers left…in which I could totally understand why!!

OK…before I get any further, I’m just going to be completely honest here…I’ve started this post over about 10 times for fear that I was “venting” too much or coming across as too negative, but sometimes I think its ok to just “be real.” Actually, I think we always need to be real, but maybe its just that our vulnerability often reveals issues of the heart that we don’t always want “exposed”…and yet, the only way God can truly continue to mold our hearts is to be honest, right? God has blessed our little family beyond words and I by ALL MEANS DO NOT want to come across as ungrateful for all that He has done and IS DOING in our lives. And even despite the many challenges and testing of our faith, God continues to reveal his amazing love for us. I just don’t understand why God gives us so many chances. I’m so thankful for a God that never gives up on us…I’m so underserving. God is good - all the time!

Sooooo, anyway…where do I start?!? I truly have had full intentions of updating this long ago, but we lost our camera…which in turn has most of the pictures I want to share. I’m absolutely sick about it. We’ve looked everywhere, and I think I’m in denial because I’ve put off writing this post in hopes it would show up. It hasn’t. I’m to the point now that I don’t even care about the actual camera (that we’ve only had 4 mos.), I just so desperately want all the pictures. Who knows, tonight I found a pair of Claudia’s pants neatly tucked away in the pantry with all the food. I don’t remember doing it, but know I’m clearly the one who did because I had them ready to put on her the other night and (thought) I just laid them down to go to the bathroom. When I was done, I couldn’t find them. (No, Claudia didn’t do it…she could never have reached the spot they were!) I thought I was just losing my mind at the time, actually, I obviously am! Can I blame this one on pregnancy? Or stress? Or both?!

With each passing day, my heart grows a bit more heavy …This next Tuesday, June 26th, Claudia will have another MRI. At this point, she will continue to have them every 12 weeks. (Lord, will I ever get used to this? Will I ever get rid of this pit in my stomach?) She will also undergo surgery to remove her port-a-cath. This will involve opening her up in the same place they inserted it and then cutting it away from the muscle that it is attached to. Since she’s had it inserted, we’ve tried to make it a big deal…that she’s really special for having one in hopes that she would let the dr.’s and nurses “mess” with it more easily, and believe me, it worked. She is VERY proud of it. In fact, when we first started putting the idea in her head that the dr. was going to take it out, she likes it so much she would cry. Now when we talk about it she just gets real serious and says, “and it won’t hurt, right, Mommy?” I don’t ever go into detail but it breaks my heart because I know that it will. They originally had these procedures (MRI and port removal surgery) scheduled for different days, but since they both require anesthesia, we begged them to do both at the same time. It seems to becoming more traumatic each time she’s put to sleep because she’s starting to understand what’s going on…and she HATES it. She’s had all this done way too many times and she knows the routine…all the pre-op stuff. So the tears start earlier and earlier each time. And on Tuesday, its only going to get a lot worse. Up until now, she’s had her port, so we always arrive with it accessed and they can put her to sleep through it while in our arms in the MRI room. However, now they’re going to have to start putting her to sleep with the gas mask and putting IV's in her little arms (which BTW, she has VERY bad veins and her arms and legs look like a pin cushion after trying to get a vein to work). They’ve only had to use this method (gas mask) 3 other times and every time it took several people to hold her down as she screamed hysterically until the drugs kicked in. And on top of it all, they won’t do the MRI first so we won’t be able to be with her when they put her to sleep with the mask. One of the absolute worst memories I have of her first surgery is seeing her little face as the dr. walked away with her. I still have nightmares about it. Ok, I really need to stop talking about this because I’m getting myself all worked up. I’m sure I am making this worse in my head than it actually will be on her, but this is the emotional mess I put myself through every time we get closer to an MRI. The only comfort is in knowing that God is completely in control and never leaves her…even after I have to hand her over. In fact, I think God has been reminding me of this even through Claudia...lately she’s been waking up in the middle of the night, crying real hard with bad dreams (I think they call them night tremors) and it seems to be a reoccurring dream she's having because she always talks about not liking/being afraid of the lions. When she wakes up crying, we pray and tell her that Jesus is always with her and that she can talk/pray to him whenever she is scared. Well, the past few days after telling me she’s “scared of the lions” she says, “ but we pray to Jesus and he help me!” Another cute story…At bedtime after our prayer time, she always asks me where Jesus is. I try my best to explain that He’s in Heaven (and sometimes go into the whole thing about how He can also live in our hearts…..etc, etc.) And lately, she’s been asking me randomly throughout (almost every) day if she can have Jesus over. Its sooo cute and precious. Anyway, I’m asking you all once again to please pray for her upcoming MRI and surgery. In the midst of everything going on right now (or ever, for that matter), I can’t even fathom what a bad report would mean…so I’m just refusing to even go down that road. I’m hoping, praying and BELIEVING in this miracle. HE IS ABLE!

In other news, life has been pretty busy and stressful around here lately. For those of you who may not know, we’re building a new house. I know, what were we thinking?!?! We broke ground in November and were supposed to be in this past March. It is now June and they’re telling us at least August. As you can see, everything hasn’t exactly gone, um, smooth. I’m still not quite sure why I ever agreed to this endeavor, and those that know me, know I can’t make a decision to save my life…and every decision I do make, I second guess. I’ll stand in the grocery store for 10 min.’s trying to decide which flavor of yogurt to get…now, imagine me trying to make 500 decisions (many being permanent) r/e a house! It has not been pretty. We’ve been in Lowe’s so many times, I’m convinced they have a cart reserved for us with our name on it. I’m VERY thankful for this opportunity, but I will also be VERY glad when its over. So, on top of trying to make all these decisions (pure torture!), getting our house ready to sell (also, pure torture! :) ), I’m in the process of unpacking all the baby stuff I had so neatly packed away, all ready for the new house. My official due date is July 28th, but I have an ultrasound July 2nd to determine exactly how I will deliver. I won’t go into details, but we’re going to have to try something a little different with this one…Claudia was 9 lbs. 10 oz., and let’s just say, left a permanent mark on my body. Along with my recent surgery, my dr. is talking more and more like this one may arrive a little early via c-section! We’ll see! Nine ultrasounds later, we’re still unable to tell what sex we’re having! We’ve been putting off so much, in hopes we could make things a little easier by knowing what we’re having. As a result, we have SO much to do before this one arrives. I’m thinking we should probably accept the fact that we may just have to be surprised and go ahead and get going…at least start talking about names and important things like that!!!

Its been so long since I’ve updated, I feel like I could go on forever telling you cute stories about how my little girl is growing up…how God is working in our lives…and how we’re reminded of His goodness, almost, on a daily basis. In fact, I’ve got a really neat story about our last appt. with the dr. that did Claudia’s surgery, but I think I’ll save that for the next post…it will go perfectly with the good report/update I’m going to give!!!

And for the few readers I may have left, here’s some pic’s Christian managed to pull before we lost our camera…

Easter 2007

Claudia with the Dawson gang (on Easter). Getting all the kids to look AND smile would be a modern miracle, so here's the best we could do...if only you could see the 10 adults making faces and noises on the other side!
Dying eggs. Her excitement (and attention span) wore off after the first egg! Oh well, I had fun dying them, atleast! And Easter this year was so cold we couldn't get outside for the annual egg hunt so Aunt Nelle hid them inside for all the kids.

Mother's Day 2007

I am so truly blessed. Period.

Daddy and Claudia doing one of her absolute FAVORITE things. I only wish you could see the more recent pictures on the camera we can't find. :(

Memorial Day 2007

Just a few of the gang for the big picnic we had.

If you only knew how much Claudia loves frogs (or toads)! The only thing is, she won't hold them unless she is wearing gloves - definitley ALL girl!

More pictures to come next post...I promise! Thanks again for your many prayers, encouragement and support. We love you all and will keep you updated.

Praising God!

What a weekend...so full of highs and lows. I promised myself this week that I would never again ask you to pray for an upcoming MRI and then be so rude to not post results, so let me give you a quick update from our last few days.

I'll start from the beginning of the weekend...

Most of you know, but my dad is the men's basketball coach for Grace College and the team made it to the NCCAA tourney this year, and with it being in Princeton, IN (about a 5 hr. trip) there's no way we could not go! Long story short, we won Thurs and Fri. to advance to Sat.'s championship game (HOW EXCITING) to have to play Bethel College (of all schools...our conference rival). The weekend was absolutely nerve-wracking. My dad has THREE NCCAA runner-up titles and we were all so sure that this was our year to win it...but, it didn't work out that way and he now has four runner-up titles. Honestly, I don't even want to go back and re-live the events of that night to fill you in...it was just so heart-crushing...but we lost in overtime. We had several chances to win, but we just couldn't quite pull through. Oh well...we still love and are very proud of our Lancers!

So after a very disappointing weekend, we were off to Indy for the MRI. We were already so far south (in Indiana, that is), we just drove to Indy Sun. and stayed the night. We tried our best to try and relax and just have a fun night Sun., but I'm not going to lie...it was difficult. We were our usual nervous selves and those hotel-night-before-MRI's are horrible. And somehow, Claudia always seems to pull an up-all-night before these big days. She went to bed at 1am, woke up at 3am and was up until we left at 8am. CRAZY! And if we hadn't been so stressed and exhausted, we probably would have enjoyed our selves watching Claudia play. She was pretending she was in a jungle or something and we had lions, giraffes, ladybugs and all kinds of animals in our room. Did I mention she has developed quite the imagination lately? She really cracks me up! Anyway, the day of the MRI went pretty smoothly. I think this was the absolute first time ever that they "put her to sleep" without any tears! PTL! And once again, they came and got us before she really woke up so there were almost no tears waking up either! Again, PTL! We sat in the cancer clinic for over 2 hrs. waiting on results, and finally...THE TUMOR IS NOT GROWING!!!! So for the first time that day, we all had the tears flowing!!! With this good news, our dr. wants to go ahead and take her port out. This involves a surgery but the ongoing risk of having it in seems to be taking its toll...and we were quickly reminded of this. Claudia has had a fever since Tues. As I write, its 101.2 degrees. Once again, dr.'s can't figure it out. They thoroughly examined her...nothing. Blood tests...nothing. I've explained it so many times, I'll spare you all from explaining again why this is so scary (because of her port), but we're definitely concerned. So, we'll continue giving her Tylenol, trying to keep her temp down enough to ward off all seizures. Please pray this temp would disappear and life would just be "normal" for a few days!!! (Wait, what does "normal" even mean?!?!)

Also, I do promise to update with more of our latest events like our trip to Missouri for my Grandma's 90th birthday, and so much more...

Until then, we'll just keep rejoicing and praising our God for more good results! Thank you all so much for your continued, faithful prayer...words cannot express our deep gratitude to our many prayer warriors. We love you!

(Some pic.'s from this weekend...)

Waiting for the championship game to begin...

...still waiting (with my sister Jenny)...
...warming up...my dad, chatting with one of the Moore twins...

...and although so disappointed, sooooo proud of our Lancers!

Hanging out the night before the MRI in Indy at Dan Pablo's...I think Claudia ate an entire basket of chips herself, salsa and all!

(We then walked across the street to Barnes and Nobles...what were we thinking taking a 3 yr. old in there?! We took turns following her around, putting the hundreds of books back that she would take off...telling her, "no, we're not buying that book" every other one she touched! Sorry to all those in there trying to get away and read a good book. Nope...definitely not a stress reliever like we thought it may be!)

I couldn't possibly describe our weekend without a picture of Claudia and Christian at the pool...it was definitely the highlight for her. We had a pool at both hotels, and if I had a penny for everytime she asked to "go to the poow", I'd be richer than Trump!!!

She would start out in the pool, then get in the hot tub, then back to the pool, then back to the hot tub...you get the picture. I had the lame excuse of the "ouchy on my tummy" so I just had fun watching Christian follow her back and forth!!!

After the good news at the cancer clinic!! YEAH!!!! Holding her is Nurse Cindy...and believe me, she is the BEST nurse, Claudia is in LOVE with her. To the right is our Dr. Smith...she too, is WONDERFUL!

(BTW...I had an ultrasound yesterday (Wednesday) and everything looks great! Another Praise! However, the little stinker was face down and breech so no luck finding out the sex...maybe next time! But, it was so cute, he/she was sucking his/her thumb and fingers. I've always heard they sometimes do this in utero but have never seen it...sooooo cute! And to think you can still legally abort at this age (or at ANY age for that matter)...oh my, don't get me started! And yes, for all of you asking, I will TRY :) and post a pic. of my ever growing belly!)

Thank you, Lord for all your goodness to us...we know ALL good things come from you! May our attitudes and lives continue to glorify you through it all!

Wow…its been awhile…where do I even begin?!

To keep this from becoming a 50 page book, I’ll fill you in with just mainly details this time. (At least, I’ll try not to get too windy!)

As I’m reviewing our last update, I realized I never even posted the results from Claudia's last MRI. I’m so sorry. The procedure itself went pretty smoothly. Normally, by the time they let us come back and see her after each MRI, she’s half-way awake (form the anesthesia) and screaming and crying…this time they let us see her before she began waking up, which means she got to wake up my arms and I can’t believe the amazing difference it made. She barely even cried! Now, if we can just get them to do the same thing again…I’m not holding my breath. Anyway, her tumor is not growing! (Back in Dec., that is.) We could tell the dr. was a little bit concerned last MRI. (Like she would never say it wasn’t growing, she just said “everything looks stable.”) So we were obviously EXTRA concerned. Well, according to the dr., they got really good pictures this time and it is definitely NOT growing! PTL! I get tears even thinking about it and I can still give you every tiny detail about that moment…and every moment we’ve received good news! Her next MRI is this Monday, March, 19th. My heart skips a beat thinking about it. Will I ever get used to these things? I’ll give you more details a little later…

Up to this point, we had been holding our breath regarding our Christmas plans, but getting a “clear” MRI meant we were off to Missouri for Christmas (we rotate Thanksgiving and Christmas every year with Christian’s parents in Florida and mine in Missouri). Christmas is always so special in Missouri…it’s the one time of year that everyone makes their best effort to get together…and with both of my grandparents being over 90, I can’t help but think these special Christmas' are numbered. Anyway, a week and a half before Christmas, Claudia came down with a very high fever. We ended up at Lutheran Hospital in Ft. Wayne. They ran the usual 20 tests (because she still has her port in) and they declared it a bladder infection. We were sent home with a prescription and thought it was all taken care of. It definitely wasn’t. Her temp. seemed to come down for a couple of days, but then it spiked back up real high. Our local pediatrician wanted to run more tests. A very long story short, another blood test and 2 more urine tests later, they determined it never was a bladder infection…but nobody could figure out what she did have. She had absolutely no other symptoms, just this very high temp (for over a week now) that we couldn’t get down. It was the day before Christmas, and we were definitely not going to Missouri. I think I cried the entire Christmas Eve…mainly because I was sooooo scared. We were on the phone with 2 of our dr.s almost every hour trying to figure out if we needed to spend Christmas eve and day in the hospital. We decided against it but kept her medicated and took turns staying up to keep an eye on her. Christmas day, we got the best gift ever given (besides the gift of Christ’s son!), Claudia’s temp was completely gone and she was perfectly normal! Go figure…BUT PTL!!!! It was weird being home, just the three of us, for Christmas. Yet, I felt so blessed. We ended up having my other set of grandparents and brother-in-law over for a last minute dinner. It was nice.

This is where I guess I decided Claudia was always the one having all the “fun” and that I (Sarah) needed to join in! (Is the sarcasm thick enough you can actually see it?!?) I’m pretty sure most of you already know but in Nov. we found out we were having child #2 (due in July)! Well, I had been having a lot of intense, unusual pain, so at 6 weeks, I went in to see the dr. An ultrasound showed a large mass behind one of my ovaries. The next day I was sent to our local hospital for a further, more extensive ultrasound. They determined it was just bowel. But the pain continued and my “gut” knew there was something wrong (and the fact that I could feel it and move it from one side of my abdomen to the other and it was big enough you could see it when I laid down…hmmm…). So around 12 weeks, they did another ultrasound. Every dr. that was in the office that day was in my room discussing how this “wasn’t right.” An MRI two days later confirmed it was a tumor on my left ovary. Four days later I was down in Indy at a woman’s cancer specialist and very skilled surgeon’s office…Dr. Kelly Manahan (for the many of you who know her!). She was an absolute God-send, but I’ll have to go into those details in another update…this one is already getting a bit long. Anyway, after her recommendation, two weeks later (Feb. 7th), and 16 weeks pregnant, I was in surgery. Could this really be happening? Dr.s weren’t sure if it was cancerous, so they would perform a biopsy while I was still “open”…if it was, a more extensive procedure would need to be done (like the removal of some lymph nodes, etc.). Again, long story short, the surgery went very well and the tumor (teratoma/dermoid) was NOT cancerous! I’m so thankful! I still begin every day thanking God He spared us this “trial.” The day after my surgery, Christian got very…very sick. So, he locked himself in our bedroom upstairs, my mom kept/watched Claudia downstairs (all without Claudia even knowing he was there…if she had known, there would be NO way to keep her away!) And my gracious sister, Jenny, took off work and stayed with me in the hospital down in Indy for the next two days. Did I mention how much I love and appreciate my family?!?! And nobody other than Christian got sick…ANOTHER miracle!

And then…a week and a half after my surgery, Claudia got a very high fever again. It started out Sat. afternoon and by the time we went to bed that night she really wasn’t acting right. We debated for several hours, along with our dr., whether or not to take her in to the hospital, but decided to just keep Tylenol in her and go in the morning if it wasn’t better. She was acting so lethargic that I stayed up all night watching her. By 6am the next morning, her fever was worse and she wasn’t responding right. And then the “distant” stares began…and we knew what was next…she started to seize. I called 911…and went into a full panic. She appeared to have several seizures because she would become a bit responsive and then the twitching and drueling would pick up and she would become unresponsive again. I have no clue how long the whole ordeal lasted. I’m sure it was minutes even though it felt like hours. I called 911 twice because I thought it was taking so long for the EMS to get to our house. By the time they got here, she was finished. We refused service because the absolute LAST thing we wanted was for her to be taken to our local hospital (I’ll save that for another post), we needed to get her to Lutheran. So we jumped in the truck and flew, literally, there. Once there, they determined her seizures were probably feberial (when a child spikes a high fever) and she tested positive for influenza. Dr.’s wanted her in the hospital for a few days of observation and discussed possible seizure tests and med’s. We decided we would discuss further testing if and when she had another one. We were home by Mon. Whew...When is this going to end, Lord?! As Christian always reminds me, "Relax, Sarah, God isn't going to give us more than we can handle."

So…life continues to be, um, exciting? No, just interesting, I suppose! It seems as though often, I only share all the negative/crisis events of our life and not enough of the many, many blessings and daily joys the Lord showers upon us. Yeah, it often seems like God is constantly pushing us to the limit of what we can handle, but He always gives us the strength we need and as I reflect, realize how much He has drawn us all so much closer to Him through it all. And in the end, I wouldn’t trade these trials for the relationship that I am gaining with my Savior. God is good…ALL THE TIME!

I have so much more to share, but this update is becoming a bit lengthy and truthfully, Claudia is crying in the background, needing my attention, so I will have to close with a favor, once again, to ask of you all…

Monday, March 19th is Claudia’s next MRI. Dr.’s are reminding us that if the chemo was keeping her tumor from growing, it may be beginning to grow again and will be apparent by this MRI. Please pray for good results. My deepest prayer is always that the dr.’s will come back with puzzled looks, wandering how the tumor has disappeared…in fact, I dream about what I’m going to say someday when they try to explain it away with some medical explanation…I think I will just politely interrupt and explain away God’s power and His ability to perform MIRACLES! Oh…I get carried away and excited just thinking about it! I pray this will be part of my next post after her MRI!!!

I’ll leave you with some recent photos…and next post, I promise to share much more of the positives that are happening in our lives. Until then…God bless each of you.

Opening Christmas gifts (and getting some help!)

Enjoying the snow with daddy! (Somebody tell that Florida boy we make snowmen on the ground...and a lot bigger than that!!!!)This next series of pictures were taken the day we took all the Christmas decor down. In the process of getting the boxes from the basement, Claudia found the Halloween stuff and decided she wanted to wear her ladybug costume. She put it on all by herself and surprised us...even the antennas! I still can't stop laughing when I look at these pictures. It made the project so much more fun...I think I laughed the entire time!

And FYI...she only broke 6 ornaments that day (said with sarcasm)!

There...those antennas were cutting into her face a bit...
...but, oh no, they must be the other way, mommy. And here, let me take down the stocking (or boot, as she called it) along with the entire string of decorated garland
She loved playing with the manger scene so much, we actually left it out for another week or so...the truth is, it would keep her occupied for LONG periods of time...like long enough to get dinner made!!!

The other day we were watching a movie with a nun and she says to me, "Mommy, look, its Mary!" At first I had no clue why she was saying that, eventually I got it and laughed so hard!

The other day she found my make-up...just so happened it was my bronzing powder. So much for discipling her...I couldn't stop laughing...and taking pictures... Talking to daddy. I didn't even mention it, but since Dec., or so, we've been seeing Christian only on the weekends (his sales season was especially busy this year...but ends March 15...YEAH!!!), so talking to daddy is very special. This day she figured out she could use both phones and it would sound so neat!
What can I say...the girl LOVES her boots. She wears them all day, every day. The first thing we do each morning is find the boots. Needless to say, I have some pretty funny pictures of her in her boots to remind us how "treasured" they were! (Hopefully this obsession will end before summer?!)
Look! My hair is growing...I can even wear a barette now!